Family, Friends, and Guests Etiquette and Advice
Our etiquette experts answer all of your questions.
Q: I work in an office with only five other people, and my wedding has been a major topic of conversation over the past year. Do I have to invite everyone, or just my boss?
Q: My future mother-in-law refuses to include her sister on our guest list. Should I invite her anyway? I really don't think it's proper to exclude my fiancé's aunt—she'll certainly find out about the wedding.
Q: Lionel, my 12-year-old cousin, is an incurable practical joker—he ruined his brother's wedding by setting off a stink bomb in the church. Do I have to invite him?
Q: My fiancé and I decided not to invite kids to the wedding. His mother wants us to bend the rule for one couple. I don't think that's fair. What should I do?
Q: My parents are divorced and I'd like to invite my paternal grandparents, but not my father, to the wedding. How can I do this gracefully?
Q: Because of logistics, we're having two weddings. Our parents will be the only witnesses at the first one; the second will be more like a traditional wedding, with a big guest list and a reception. I'm afraid people won't show up for the second one if they find out it's not a "real" wedding, but my fiancé's mom and dad are really pushing for us to go public with the news. What should we do?
Q: Should I invite my ex-husband to my upcoming wedding? Our daughter is going to be my maid of honor.
Q: A lot of our guests have kids, but we don't want our wedding to feel like a circus. We plan to write "Adult Reception" on the invitations, making exceptions for the flower girls and their brothers, and for children of people who are flying in. Will other guests be insulted?
Q: Both of my parents have remarried. Do I need to include my stepparents in the wedding?
Q: We invited three people, with their names written on the inside envelope, and we got a response of seven attending! What should I do?
Q: I'm inviting friends to our wedding whom I know do not have a significant other. Do I still have to include a guest on their invitations?
Q: My father has never taken responsibility for me, except when it was convenient for him. Should I invite him?
Q: I am not very close to my aunts, uncles and first cousins. Do I have to invite them to the wedding?
Q: My future in-laws want to invite tons of business associates and distant relatives to the wedding. I'd prefer to keep it small. Am I justified in refusing to include so many unknown faces?
Q: We don't want to make people we know can't attend feel bad by sending them an invitation. Also, it might just look like we're asking for a gift. Suggestions?
Q: My parents are paying for the wedding, and they can afford to invite 150 people with the guest list split equally between my family and my fiancé's family. But my future MIL thinks she should be able to invite whomever she wants, and based on tradition my father should pay for any additional guests. How do we handle this?
Q: How do we un-invite someone who assumes she's coming to our wedding?
Q: If I invite someone to my shower or bachelorette party, do I have to invite her to my wedding?
Q: My fiancé's brother will be in jail at the time of our wedding. Do we still send him an invitation?
Q: How can I divvy up the guest list?
Q: I don't get along with my dad. Does he have to walk me down the aisle?
Q: My fiancé's parents went through a bitter divorce and his dad has since remarried. What's the best way to seat them at the ceremony?
Q: How do we ask the in-laws to pay for the rehearsal dinner?
Q: Who should propose toasts?
Q: How can I seat remarried parents so that everyone feels equally important?
Q: My fiancé wants to invite his ex-girlfriend, who he's still close with, to the wedding. I really don't want him to. Am I wrong?
Q: His mother is perpetually late. How can I make sure that she'll be on time for the wedding?
Q: How do you deal with people who RSVP that they'll be bringing their kids, when they weren't invited?
Q: My FMIL said that she wants me to call her Mom, but I can't imagine doing that. Help!
Q: Who should initate the get-together between our parents?
Q: Can I ask a friend to help things run smoothly on the wedding day, or is it better to hire a coordinator?
Q: Which side of the aisle do guests sit on at a same-sex union?
Q: How do we tell guests where to go if the weather forces us to change our wedding day plans?
Q: Should we allow my friend to bring her one-month-old to the wedding?
Q: Is it better to mail a wedding gift or bring it to the wedding?
Q: My FMIL is trying to take over the wedding—she's told me what kinds of flowers to order, which band to hire, etc. How do I tell her to back off without telling her off?
Q: Can I ask my close friend why she RSVPed "No"?
Q: My sister just got engaged and my parents—who aren't paying for my wedding—are pressuring me to invite her groom's parents, since "they're family now." I don't know them, so am I obligated to invite them?
Q: We'd like to have a small ceremony but a big reception. Is that OK?
